random ramblings

You know i dont actually know why im blogging lol. I domnt have anything on my mind...or anything id like to publish anyways. DOnt forget to read my post directy below this one. I doubt i'll publish this, u will know if i hve though...cos you wontbe reading this if i dont. I just wrote realy long entry in my diary...i wish i could share it with someone, i may later, but there are 3 people who would be very very very upset with what im feeling...it probably isnt you if u r reading this.
I feel like I have a confession to make before i can move on with what i feel is becoming a new me. I never really liked led zeppelin. i really didnt, that is until this weekend. on the 6 hour car ride home yesterday, it was dark, everybody, david, spencer, garrett and katie grogan were all asleep, and mrs.bray was driving the car, so we werent talking. i think it was about 10:30, and led zeppelin was playing, led zeppelin IV i believe. For the first time ever i really liked it, it may have been to do with my mood. the car rides there and back were very very long, but the hours went by so slowly and peacefully for some reason. i had a lot of time to thing, to debate my beliefs, what i strongly believ to be right, what i want to prevent, and what has already happened that isnt fair. one thing isnt fair, and thats that i allways want what i cant have, this has nothing to do with matt, this is to do with another guy, i dont think any of you will guess who it is, and im in not wrong mind to tell you, that would be a mistake. but i think that because this guy is so restricted, by 3 people, those people mentioned above. 2 of them have made it very very very clear their stand point on this guy and me, and one of them ive never met, but im pretty sure she wouldnt like it much at all. i just feel like all these restrictions, they arent fair, but if there werent such restrictions on this guy i wouldnt like him. its the danger factor that i love. What i realize on the car ride back was I loe a bad boy, one who im really not allowed to like or date, or touch. i also like a guy who is mean to me at first and then becomes really nice, because then i have no expectations and its such a shock that the ground comes from under my feet and i fall into his spell lol.
ok enough of these ramblings, i have to go and bbq, like i said i dont know if i will publish this, i may have said too much, plus i dont know what ui wrote, im too lazy to proof read.
xoxo