PLEASE READ THE POST BELOW THIS ONE AFTER YOU READ THIS ONE!!!

Im not sure if i should be posting again after writing the really important post below...so pleaaaseeeeee read that one if you havnt already...PLEASE! READ BELOW!!!! infact, read the one below NOW and then read this one AFTER!
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Please think about it.

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Now to todays post:

I got an ipod like i said and i was sorting thru my music to see what i wanted to transfer. I have such a strong connection, some of you know about the radio in my head (well actually i think just julia does, but anyways) and i go thru phases where i listen to one band, or one type of music obsessivly. Months, or years can pass once i come thru each phase before i listen to that band or type of music again, when i do i get flashbacks to that time, i can smell it, see it, remember what my emotions were, i can see the type of colours that relate to that time, i rethink what i was thinking, i get transported. Sometimes it can be a great thing! When i hear 'rhiannon' by fleetwood mac im back in 7th grade painting my nails, and thinking of jonah (lol) when i hear 'who let the dogs out' by the baha men im in 6th grade in norfolk on retreats. it can make me so happy, or it can make me so upset. I was listening to the chilli peppers and i couldnt stop crying, i was in liverpool, in my nana's living room on her sofa with my whole family (on my dad's side) laughing hysterically. I was in my friend Georgia's bedroom talking about boys and england. i was on the plane going to ireland looking at the clouds. I remembered every part of the knighthood trip. What i wore, the smells, the sounds. the pubs and the smoke, the ritz and the way my dad looked wearing his medal, the cold floor in my cousins house in ireland. i had such an amazing time, it drives me crazy. SOmetimes i just lie in bed and cry about it. i miss it so much. being in america im constantly reminded that im british, but i dont feel it. in england i feel it, i belong there i know i do. when im older im moving back, even for a few years, so my kids can grow up there. i honestly feel its the best place to raise children. i can be thinking of the huge party my dads familly threw us, watching the dancers and hearing the fire effects go off and then suddenly be back in stratford listening to my mum give a speech about my dad, watching richard leamon...not because he was doing anything exiting, just because he was so attractive! then im sitting on christopher simms' stairs with him and his sister emma talking about school. that trip makes me miss england more than remembering leaving it does. when i flew over the UK into heathrow airport i felt like i was coming home. when dennis picked us up i felt like he was going to take us back to our house and i was going to get into my bed. when we past our old house i burts into tears, i couldnt stop, it was exactly how we'd left it from the outside. when i visited the hoiuse, it wasnt my house, it was horrible on the inside, the new inhabitants had ruined it...there were garned knomes and mushrooms! when i walked to the village shop i remembered where everything was, i recognized the people behind the counter, altho i didnt know their names. i have so many memories and they are driving me crazy! i want to get rid of them! i dont want to treasure them and remember them forever...they hurt too much! for the first time in 3 years...i want to go home.