Sitting on the dock of the bay, watching the tide role away
Im a gum junky. i blame my cousins.
Tomorrow it will be a month sinse we arrived in hawaii...that creeps me out. i get this wierd feeling in my stomach and my chest and my throat whenever i think of that. every detail comes rushing back, every smell, every image, every feeling. It sends me right abck to the place i was when i first got home. its like i had just climbed out of the hole and someone pushed me right back in! its just so hard to believe that a month ago tomoro i ran to the bathroom in the airport once we landed and go to julia: 'look! my first pee in hawaii!' it cant be a month ago tomoro sinse i first saw the torches lighting the paths, sinse i first saw the hut, and the room, and had the macaroni and cheese. it just cant be a month ago tomoro that we walked up and down saying 'do you have any trash?' 'do you have any cans?'!!! Because that means that in a month 10 days from tomoro we got back.
What i have found if i do anything is that for weeks after i am like 'wow, a week ago today...' like 'a week ago today i went to jingle ball' 'a week ago today i went to the beach'. its such a ridiculous way to live, but i cant help it. time freaks me out more than wrists i think...well...
Its just the thought that i have no control over my aging, or growing, or experiencing. i cant change the fact that a week from today i wont be able to remember exactly what i did today. i cant stand that in a year from today i'll have forgotton the little details of hawaii. i cant believe in a few years i'll be saying to someone 'when i was just a little older than you...how old are you? 13? yes i was about that...no, 14, wait let me think about this....anyway, somewhere around ther i went to hawaii my first time'. i already have issues remembering how old i was the first time i broke my tailbone...the summer going into 8th grade, so 13??? i dunno! its so creepy how life just rushes by, but it feels like it goes by so slowly, and then its gone. its so stupid how people get hung up on the little things...like on...shit i cant even remember what day it was!!!! monday i think, i did my 'trapped' in theatre, and i cried before hand because i was so nervous...but it was nothing in the grand scheme of things!
I cant believe its a month ago tomoro....
I have to go get some gum....extra or wriglys doublemint?
Tomorrow it will be a month sinse we arrived in hawaii...that creeps me out. i get this wierd feeling in my stomach and my chest and my throat whenever i think of that. every detail comes rushing back, every smell, every image, every feeling. It sends me right abck to the place i was when i first got home. its like i had just climbed out of the hole and someone pushed me right back in! its just so hard to believe that a month ago tomoro i ran to the bathroom in the airport once we landed and go to julia: 'look! my first pee in hawaii!' it cant be a month ago tomoro sinse i first saw the torches lighting the paths, sinse i first saw the hut, and the room, and had the macaroni and cheese. it just cant be a month ago tomoro that we walked up and down saying 'do you have any trash?' 'do you have any cans?'!!! Because that means that in a month 10 days from tomoro we got back.
What i have found if i do anything is that for weeks after i am like 'wow, a week ago today...' like 'a week ago today i went to jingle ball' 'a week ago today i went to the beach'. its such a ridiculous way to live, but i cant help it. time freaks me out more than wrists i think...well...
Its just the thought that i have no control over my aging, or growing, or experiencing. i cant change the fact that a week from today i wont be able to remember exactly what i did today. i cant stand that in a year from today i'll have forgotton the little details of hawaii. i cant believe in a few years i'll be saying to someone 'when i was just a little older than you...how old are you? 13? yes i was about that...no, 14, wait let me think about this....anyway, somewhere around ther i went to hawaii my first time'. i already have issues remembering how old i was the first time i broke my tailbone...the summer going into 8th grade, so 13??? i dunno! its so creepy how life just rushes by, but it feels like it goes by so slowly, and then its gone. its so stupid how people get hung up on the little things...like on...shit i cant even remember what day it was!!!! monday i think, i did my 'trapped' in theatre, and i cried before hand because i was so nervous...but it was nothing in the grand scheme of things!
I cant believe its a month ago tomoro....
I have to go get some gum....extra or wriglys doublemint?
2 Comments:
1) ummm thanks...im not sure how u can tell i look cute, but thanks...
2) rucker and ryan babe!!!!!
3) ur right, the big things will stick, but what about the last day when we went into the ocean while it was raining. will we remember that it rained on the first night and the last? How will i be able to recreate that feeling the first morning when i woke up and saw the light streaming thru the shurtters. i'll forget exactly what i saw that first morning! tha bthing suits we wore for each event. the hicky comment when we were snorkling. that lunch wit ur familly, where we r going to get married. jons name??? just how many shots of vodka we had. what 16-20 looked like. sitting outside that sushi restaurant in kihei! i still feel all those things we talked about that night. what about 'elisa' calling in the car???? lol!
ew...vodka...i hate that astuff...ew...gum...i hate that...that's a good song...memories are nice but in the end, they're just memories...your past shapes you, and you don't have to dwell on it to get the lesson or the life-changing experience...so don't dwell on it...at least thats what i think
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