God Save The Queen
I guess i'm writing this for myself. if you want to read it, go for it, its why its up here.
A year ago i went to england. i was so nervous. i thought i wouldnt want to leave, i thought it would be terrible. as the plane landed i was fine, i went thru customs and was okay. my dad came with our old taxi driver Dennis. We drove for an hour from london, i was still fine, just looking and remembering. about an hour and a half after we left the airport i saw my old house. i couldnt help it, i cried my heart out. i hadnt said goodbye to the house because the day we moved out i went to school. i cried because i knew i wasnt going back to it. we arrived at our friend Ann's house. she has a daughter a year younger than me named Georgia. As i went into the house the memories came flooding back, i cried some more. it was so small in comparison, so cute and quaint. we stayed in stratford for a week. the first night we walked over to the local pub. as i walked in the smell of smoke hit me, it was so familiar. we saw our old neighbour dave, he was exactly the same, he didnt look us in the eyes as he talked, he never had. i went to town every day, i remembered where everything was. we visited our old house. sandbard cottage. the people who live there now have destroyed it, it wasnt our house anymore, there was an electrical gate, garden knomes, flowered wallpaper, a stuffed fox. We went to a restaurant for a party, for us. we saw all of our old friends, made toasts, it was amazing. i saw my best friends. The day we we left for london me and georgia walked down to the village shop where we met 3 of her friends. scott, ollie, and luke. Scott had a crush on me, and he was really cute and nice. they all yelled things like 'oo a hot american girl' and 'nice arse' wich wasnt so respectful...but flattering lol. Dennis picked us up and took us to london. i cried the whole way there. when we arrived at the hotel 41, it was exactly the same as we left it. black and white checked carpet, we had our own private breakfast room. my nana, my antie rob, and my uncle billy came up too. that was amazing, i hadnt seen them in over a year or so. i hadnt seen nana in over 2 years. in london i shared a room with my mum. my dad got knighted, obviously, thats why we were there. that morning he, my mum, my nanna, and my cousin rory all left in a limmo for the palace. me, rob, and billy ran to the gates of buckingham palace and watched them drive in...in the rain. That after noon was incredible. while my dad was being knighted i had the room to myself, i blasted the chili peppers and rufus wainwright, jumped into a bubble bath, and got ready for the ritz. the ritz, wow. A lot of people were there, i dont remember them all, my brother, my aunt, my uncle, my 2 cousins, my dads agent, some friends on my parents, my parents, my nana. We walked in the grand entrance and after formal photographs we went to our table. a long table with a white table cloth under a huge crystal chandelier. they gave everyone (including me) appetizer wine. then the appertizer, then the entree wine. when the entree came all the waiters came, there was a waiter standing next to everybody at the table holding one of those silver things over the plates, they all lifted them up at the same time. then the dessert wine, then the dessert, then the coffee wine...im shocked i wasnt drunk. that night we had a huge party at the hotel next door. everyone came, friends from ages back, my mums ex boyfriend of 9 years paul and his wife, my dads ex girlfriend marie and her husband. so many people i had to pretend to know. john dale, phil jackson, 2 friends of my parents, both with sons 2 years older than me who they promise to introduce me to at some point. once again, there was a lot of wine. the next day we drove up to liverpool. georgia met us down there (ann and rob (anns husband) were in london with us, so they came too). Me and georgia shared a room. I hadnt seen my dads famly in three years, and i had to wait til the next night for the huge family party to see them. i was scared shitless. all we knew about the party, we got in an email from my uncle johnny. it said 'be afraid, be very afraid' and i was. my mum, my dad, my brother, and i had all got cotumes, my dad had a suit of armour, my mum, a queens dress, i had a princess dress, and my brother had a crown and the british flag for a cape. the family didnt know about that. so on the bus ride down to the place where the party was, my uncle johnny talked to me. he kept on saying things like, r u scared? you should be! he was wearing a teeshirt that said 'robinson family investiture party, for our poor ken' when we got their we were told to wait in a room until we were announced. we were announced, we had to walk down an aisle. the whole room was fulllllll of familly members, some i knew, some i didnt. the whole room collapsed into laughter asd we walked in in our costumes. we were told to sit on the stage, so we did. and this dance squad came and did a show, and fireworks went off behind us. the party was one of the funniest nights of my life. i drank vodka pops, and talked to people. there was a slide show of my dads life, wich was totally offensive, and innapropriate...but thats okay, because it always is with them lol. its all in good fun, then my dad made a speech, and there was a lot of dancing. the next day we went over to my nanas house where my dads 5 brothers and his sister were there with their wives, husband, and kids...all older than me. we talked for probably over 8 hours, ive never laughed so hard. the next day me and my mum went to ireland to see her family. i cried the entire taxi rdie to the airport, and the entire plane ride. it hurt so bad to say goodbye to my friends and family. ireland was a lot of fun. i saw all my family, including new members like baby claire. we visisted my grandmas grave. then it was over and my mum flew back to london. we met james and dad at the hethrow marriott hotel. it was just like it was when we moved here. as the plane took off i looked back at england and i cried. i didnt feel like i was coming home, like i was told i would, i felt like my heart had been ripped out, and buried in england.
that was a year ago, i keep on having all these flashbacks, and these dreams, it hurts so badly. i dont know how much longer i can deal with it. i miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss my home.
So, i doubt anybody has read this far, im almost certain everybody will have gotten bored half way thru, if that far. But there it is, my england trip, i havnt told anybody the details of it until now. i cant even write everything, i cant explain my emotions, the smells, the sights, i dont have time, and niether does anybody else. but if u see me looking really really depressed. you know why now.
A year ago i went to england. i was so nervous. i thought i wouldnt want to leave, i thought it would be terrible. as the plane landed i was fine, i went thru customs and was okay. my dad came with our old taxi driver Dennis. We drove for an hour from london, i was still fine, just looking and remembering. about an hour and a half after we left the airport i saw my old house. i couldnt help it, i cried my heart out. i hadnt said goodbye to the house because the day we moved out i went to school. i cried because i knew i wasnt going back to it. we arrived at our friend Ann's house. she has a daughter a year younger than me named Georgia. As i went into the house the memories came flooding back, i cried some more. it was so small in comparison, so cute and quaint. we stayed in stratford for a week. the first night we walked over to the local pub. as i walked in the smell of smoke hit me, it was so familiar. we saw our old neighbour dave, he was exactly the same, he didnt look us in the eyes as he talked, he never had. i went to town every day, i remembered where everything was. we visited our old house. sandbard cottage. the people who live there now have destroyed it, it wasnt our house anymore, there was an electrical gate, garden knomes, flowered wallpaper, a stuffed fox. We went to a restaurant for a party, for us. we saw all of our old friends, made toasts, it was amazing. i saw my best friends. The day we we left for london me and georgia walked down to the village shop where we met 3 of her friends. scott, ollie, and luke. Scott had a crush on me, and he was really cute and nice. they all yelled things like 'oo a hot american girl' and 'nice arse' wich wasnt so respectful...but flattering lol. Dennis picked us up and took us to london. i cried the whole way there. when we arrived at the hotel 41, it was exactly the same as we left it. black and white checked carpet, we had our own private breakfast room. my nana, my antie rob, and my uncle billy came up too. that was amazing, i hadnt seen them in over a year or so. i hadnt seen nana in over 2 years. in london i shared a room with my mum. my dad got knighted, obviously, thats why we were there. that morning he, my mum, my nanna, and my cousin rory all left in a limmo for the palace. me, rob, and billy ran to the gates of buckingham palace and watched them drive in...in the rain. That after noon was incredible. while my dad was being knighted i had the room to myself, i blasted the chili peppers and rufus wainwright, jumped into a bubble bath, and got ready for the ritz. the ritz, wow. A lot of people were there, i dont remember them all, my brother, my aunt, my uncle, my 2 cousins, my dads agent, some friends on my parents, my parents, my nana. We walked in the grand entrance and after formal photographs we went to our table. a long table with a white table cloth under a huge crystal chandelier. they gave everyone (including me) appetizer wine. then the appertizer, then the entree wine. when the entree came all the waiters came, there was a waiter standing next to everybody at the table holding one of those silver things over the plates, they all lifted them up at the same time. then the dessert wine, then the dessert, then the coffee wine...im shocked i wasnt drunk. that night we had a huge party at the hotel next door. everyone came, friends from ages back, my mums ex boyfriend of 9 years paul and his wife, my dads ex girlfriend marie and her husband. so many people i had to pretend to know. john dale, phil jackson, 2 friends of my parents, both with sons 2 years older than me who they promise to introduce me to at some point. once again, there was a lot of wine. the next day we drove up to liverpool. georgia met us down there (ann and rob (anns husband) were in london with us, so they came too). Me and georgia shared a room. I hadnt seen my dads famly in three years, and i had to wait til the next night for the huge family party to see them. i was scared shitless. all we knew about the party, we got in an email from my uncle johnny. it said 'be afraid, be very afraid' and i was. my mum, my dad, my brother, and i had all got cotumes, my dad had a suit of armour, my mum, a queens dress, i had a princess dress, and my brother had a crown and the british flag for a cape. the family didnt know about that. so on the bus ride down to the place where the party was, my uncle johnny talked to me. he kept on saying things like, r u scared? you should be! he was wearing a teeshirt that said 'robinson family investiture party, for our poor ken' when we got their we were told to wait in a room until we were announced. we were announced, we had to walk down an aisle. the whole room was fulllllll of familly members, some i knew, some i didnt. the whole room collapsed into laughter asd we walked in in our costumes. we were told to sit on the stage, so we did. and this dance squad came and did a show, and fireworks went off behind us. the party was one of the funniest nights of my life. i drank vodka pops, and talked to people. there was a slide show of my dads life, wich was totally offensive, and innapropriate...but thats okay, because it always is with them lol. its all in good fun, then my dad made a speech, and there was a lot of dancing. the next day we went over to my nanas house where my dads 5 brothers and his sister were there with their wives, husband, and kids...all older than me. we talked for probably over 8 hours, ive never laughed so hard. the next day me and my mum went to ireland to see her family. i cried the entire taxi rdie to the airport, and the entire plane ride. it hurt so bad to say goodbye to my friends and family. ireland was a lot of fun. i saw all my family, including new members like baby claire. we visisted my grandmas grave. then it was over and my mum flew back to london. we met james and dad at the hethrow marriott hotel. it was just like it was when we moved here. as the plane took off i looked back at england and i cried. i didnt feel like i was coming home, like i was told i would, i felt like my heart had been ripped out, and buried in england.
that was a year ago, i keep on having all these flashbacks, and these dreams, it hurts so badly. i dont know how much longer i can deal with it. i miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss my home.
So, i doubt anybody has read this far, im almost certain everybody will have gotten bored half way thru, if that far. But there it is, my england trip, i havnt told anybody the details of it until now. i cant even write everything, i cant explain my emotions, the smells, the sights, i dont have time, and niether does anybody else. but if u see me looking really really depressed. you know why now.
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