Youu don'tn have to read, but i have to write
What do i miss the most?
The age? being young and care free.
The importance of family. family dinners, a family house, my brother being my best friend.
The house? the feelings we created. the cosiness.
The weather? Being able to curl up infront of the fire without overheating.
The simplicity? No drama, no boys.
The culture? The accent. the soccer. the people.
To be honest i dont know what i miss the most. and no one asked. No one has ever sat me down and said 'Kate that must have been really hard. tell me about it.' to be honest im not suprised it has to be boring. but i have to talk about it, so u dont have to read, but i have to write.
Ive never lived close to my family...besides my immediate family. my family on my dads side live in liverpool, and thats about an hour and a half to 2 hours from stratford. my mums family live in ireland wich is a 40 minute plane ride away. but at least 3 times a year, if not more i would see them. ive always envied people who have their grandparents close to them. until i was seven my grandfather, my mums dad, lived near us, in an old peoples home in the next town. when he died i realized in my young state that when people talked about going over 2 their grandparents houses after school i couldnt relate. my mums best friend, who we stayed with in stratford last year, had a daughter a eyar yougner than me. she can walk to her grandmas house. Befor last october i hadnt seen any of my relatives in 2 and a half years. i havnt seen them in a year now. i miss that. every time i see them i laugh more in an hour than i had in the entire time inbetween my visits.
But thats only one aspect of it.
I left when i was 12. thats the age when you start to make really close friends. my friends in england were people who i went to school with or ballet class with. i saw them at least 5 days a week. i spoke to them on the fone in the time i wasnt with them. when we went away on seperate vacations wed call each other wen we got back and give a blow by blow. i havnt spoken to some of them in a year, and most of them in 3 years. i only saw 3 of my friends when i went back. 3 friends out of a number accumilated over 12 years.
When we found out we were moving me and my mum climbed onto the kitchen table and danced...my brother went up to his room and cried. i remember sitting on the school bus one morning and my 2 best friends of the time asking me if i would miss anything i said 'no'. i spent my last 6 months counting the days til we left. bragging that i was leaving. i didnt appreciate anything. i left without looking back.
The day we left our house i went to schoo, i didnt have time to say goodbye to the place i had lived for 12 years. i had meant to walk around every room, hugging and kissing the walls, and saying goodbye. when the moment came, i just walked out. we stayed at a hotel that night, my mums friend chrisie, and her kids penny and oliver, and then paula and john with their kids jessie and tom (the one who died last year) came to the hotel for one last dinner together. the kids spent the night in the pool. the next day was my last day of school. that night we drove to liverpool for a week to say goodbye to my dads side. as we left liverpool i saw my dad cry for the first time. then we flew to ireland for a week to say goodbye to my mums side. as we left for america, i saw my mum cry, not for the first time. we stayed at the oceana on ocean for 2 weeks before we moved in.
these memories i have, they are of happy times, but they dont make me happy to look back on them. im filled with pain, and longing and it doesnt seem real.
Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is
The age? being young and care free.
The importance of family. family dinners, a family house, my brother being my best friend.
The house? the feelings we created. the cosiness.
The weather? Being able to curl up infront of the fire without overheating.
The simplicity? No drama, no boys.
The culture? The accent. the soccer. the people.
To be honest i dont know what i miss the most. and no one asked. No one has ever sat me down and said 'Kate that must have been really hard. tell me about it.' to be honest im not suprised it has to be boring. but i have to talk about it, so u dont have to read, but i have to write.
Ive never lived close to my family...besides my immediate family. my family on my dads side live in liverpool, and thats about an hour and a half to 2 hours from stratford. my mums family live in ireland wich is a 40 minute plane ride away. but at least 3 times a year, if not more i would see them. ive always envied people who have their grandparents close to them. until i was seven my grandfather, my mums dad, lived near us, in an old peoples home in the next town. when he died i realized in my young state that when people talked about going over 2 their grandparents houses after school i couldnt relate. my mums best friend, who we stayed with in stratford last year, had a daughter a eyar yougner than me. she can walk to her grandmas house. Befor last october i hadnt seen any of my relatives in 2 and a half years. i havnt seen them in a year now. i miss that. every time i see them i laugh more in an hour than i had in the entire time inbetween my visits.
But thats only one aspect of it.
I left when i was 12. thats the age when you start to make really close friends. my friends in england were people who i went to school with or ballet class with. i saw them at least 5 days a week. i spoke to them on the fone in the time i wasnt with them. when we went away on seperate vacations wed call each other wen we got back and give a blow by blow. i havnt spoken to some of them in a year, and most of them in 3 years. i only saw 3 of my friends when i went back. 3 friends out of a number accumilated over 12 years.
When we found out we were moving me and my mum climbed onto the kitchen table and danced...my brother went up to his room and cried. i remember sitting on the school bus one morning and my 2 best friends of the time asking me if i would miss anything i said 'no'. i spent my last 6 months counting the days til we left. bragging that i was leaving. i didnt appreciate anything. i left without looking back.
The day we left our house i went to schoo, i didnt have time to say goodbye to the place i had lived for 12 years. i had meant to walk around every room, hugging and kissing the walls, and saying goodbye. when the moment came, i just walked out. we stayed at a hotel that night, my mums friend chrisie, and her kids penny and oliver, and then paula and john with their kids jessie and tom (the one who died last year) came to the hotel for one last dinner together. the kids spent the night in the pool. the next day was my last day of school. that night we drove to liverpool for a week to say goodbye to my dads side. as we left liverpool i saw my dad cry for the first time. then we flew to ireland for a week to say goodbye to my mums side. as we left for america, i saw my mum cry, not for the first time. we stayed at the oceana on ocean for 2 weeks before we moved in.
these memories i have, they are of happy times, but they dont make me happy to look back on them. im filled with pain, and longing and it doesnt seem real.
Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is
1 Comments:
Wow Kate so much of that reminded me of the day I left my house too. The suddeness of it all. When I read your really really well-written posts I think that I was so much younger than you and I shouldn't have missed as much. But I was 11. Gosh. It sucks to have an entirely different life and not really be able to fully compare them. Because when I think about it I know I'd be bored in CT. And I would hate having to live nextdoor to my grandparents (for 10 years Kate, it's not all it's cracked up to be don't worry :) but I can't help wondering you know. I think my sister is more like you and Johanna and really loved it there and wants to go back. It used to be really hard to know what to say to her when she was missing it so much and there was nothing we could do. Gosh sorry this is so long, criss cross applesauce lab quiz Kate!
Lizzy Pace
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