rainy days and mondays always get me down...

I went to the doctor today. he syringed my ear...thats traumatizing. he put hydrogen oxide in my ear and told em to wait for ten minutes while it 'cooked' so i lay down and let it cook and fell asleep. i woke up when he came back in with a giant silver metal syringe (cant spell) anyways it is a horrible, terrible thing to have done,. they skirt water into ur ear...a lot of it, so much it gdts shot in and then rebounds back out again. I also have a throat infection and stomach acid caused by anxiety. the funny thing about that is that im not anxious! he said i need to have more fun, he asked if i was being bullied or beaten, i said no to both. he said i was too worried. waht he doesnt know is that for the first time in a really long time im truly happy. i realized while i was driving to the doctors that i love l.a. sooo much! if i could move back to england, if i had some deal with some devil or angel or wizard or something where i could go back to england without feeling sad about leaving l.a., if i couldf go back and think the past 3 years were a dream, i wouldn't i would go crazy in england, id hate it. i love it here! of course my memories of england are happy memories that make me sad, but i wouldnt change anything. there are a few other things that are making me really happy right now that i dont think i should publish. so why, now that im happy and calm, do i have anxiety??? Why am i sitting here listening to 'rainy days and mondays' by the carpenters? i have no clue! lol
xoxo