Light Up, Light Up As If You Have A Choice

You’ll never know how I watched you from the shadows as a child
You’ll never know how it feels to be the one who’s left behind
~~~~~~
They won't leave in the night, I've no fear that they might desert me
Diamonds are forever
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pretty girl beware of his heart of gold,
This heart is cold

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I want my MTV

Friday, November 26, 2004

Rave On

Bear with me, I have to write. I'm not sure what about yet, we'll see what comes out.

I spent 4 hours this morning sorting photos with my dad. We listened to 'steeleye span' and laughed at the various styles of my mother, the phases of my brother, and the general changes that occur over time. We came across several pictures of me and him hugging or playing together. it was odd to think that no matter age i've been, i've always been his little girl. As the folk chants got steadily louder i realized that as long as i have the opportunities to spend time remenising and joking around with my dad, i'd be safe. I came across an envelope entitled 'Fred and May', my mothers parents. The picutres were so strange to look at. When i think of my grandfather I think of an old man sitting in his chair, smoking a pipe and watching me and james play. I never knew my grandmother on that side. In these pictures they are young and playful. On one they are sitting on the floor of a row boat, my grandmother sitting on my granddad's lap, his arms wrapped around her. It looks like something straight out of the notebook. They looked so happy and like people, with lives, not retired figures in the back of my mind with back problems. My train of thought was broken as dad started to sing along to the accepelo song that was playing.

Uh-wella-coo-wella
Little things that you say and do
Make me want-ah to be with you-wo-hooo
Rave on, crazy feeling well
I know, it's got me reeling I'm
So glad you're revealing your love for me

baa-baa-mhhh-baa
Rave on, rave on and tell me
Tell me not to feel lonely
Tell me you love me only
Rave on to me

when the verse repeated I sang along. It was one of those moments you know you'll remember forever. You know? Like one day you'll be sitting on the sofa singing the same song. Your fathers been gone for years, and in his place a youthful voice, slightly off key is singing full blast. And as you stare at this child, that you created, your voice fades away and that image comes to the front of your mind. A sense of deja vu underlined with sadness. I hope that happens to me one day. I hope i have a child that I see myself in. I hope I become a parent, like my father, who my child looks up to and wants to be one day. Until that happens, i'm hoping i have plenty more days like today, with my dad.
xoxo

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