And Thus The Day Approaches
There is nothing I can do, I am completely helpess, and paralyzed with fear. She's more afraid, wich of course is natural. Her fear is for herself, my fear is for myself. She is afraid of the pain involved, how uncomfortable she will be, how she will be dependant on me for at least 6 weeks. I'm afraid of the pain involved, how looking at her will make me shake , how her smell will make me want to be sick, and how no matter how selfish it sounds, i will want to run away until it is over. Im scared of how uncomfortable I will be, how i will spend all my time thinking about how she looked, how thin she is getting, how i wont be able to sleep at night incase she chokes on her own spit, or blood. Im terrified of how she will be dependant on me for at least 6 weeks.
She keeps on saying 'Kate you will take care of me won't you?'
and
'I will look like i have been beaten up, my cheeks will be puffy, my nose will be bleeding, and i wont be able to talk, but dont worry, i dont want you to worry.'
and
'You will have to put my food in the blender, then put it in this bag, and squeeze it thru the straw into my mouth...you will do that won't you?'
My favourite is:
'Once he goes to Seattle on Firday, itll just be you looking after me, so dont forget about me'
When I imagine how she will look I see Freddy Cruger or Jason from Firday 13th. I see Hannibal Lector, I see her when i wake her up from a nap, mouth collapsed in on its self.
She is not going to look the same, her nose will point up, her cheeks will be fuller, her mouth will be aligned. thats the results, they are just side affects tho, not the reason it is happening.
She is in so much pain already, it will only get worse, she will throw up in her mouth, bleed thru her nose, choke, and drool. She wont be able to sleep bnecause of the pain, and the vicodin will make her act differently. The vicodin, im under strict orders not o see it, they think it will tempt me. They are probably right.
Its selfish, tomoro onwards isnt about me, its about her, but i don't think that i am going to be as strong as i had imagined. I think im going to fall apart. I'm scared i will leave the house and wont be able to come back til she is better.
But what I hate the most is how helpless i am, i cant help, i can only cry.
She keeps on saying 'Kate you will take care of me won't you?'
and
'I will look like i have been beaten up, my cheeks will be puffy, my nose will be bleeding, and i wont be able to talk, but dont worry, i dont want you to worry.'
and
'You will have to put my food in the blender, then put it in this bag, and squeeze it thru the straw into my mouth...you will do that won't you?'
My favourite is:
'Once he goes to Seattle on Firday, itll just be you looking after me, so dont forget about me'
When I imagine how she will look I see Freddy Cruger or Jason from Firday 13th. I see Hannibal Lector, I see her when i wake her up from a nap, mouth collapsed in on its self.
She is not going to look the same, her nose will point up, her cheeks will be fuller, her mouth will be aligned. thats the results, they are just side affects tho, not the reason it is happening.
She is in so much pain already, it will only get worse, she will throw up in her mouth, bleed thru her nose, choke, and drool. She wont be able to sleep bnecause of the pain, and the vicodin will make her act differently. The vicodin, im under strict orders not o see it, they think it will tempt me. They are probably right.
Its selfish, tomoro onwards isnt about me, its about her, but i don't think that i am going to be as strong as i had imagined. I think im going to fall apart. I'm scared i will leave the house and wont be able to come back til she is better.
But what I hate the most is how helpless i am, i cant help, i can only cry.
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