New Hope, New Year.
As I look to my right, through the fake snow that james got carried away with on my window, I can make out a deep grey sky. It looks as if it's trying as hard as it can to stop the rain from coming..to it's dismay, the longer it holds it back, the harder the rain will fall triumphant. That's how i felt as christmas approached. I was trying to hold it back because i knew James would not be getting as many presents as I was. But then it broke through, my exitment for christmas day more powerful than my desire to stop it from coming. I've always found that the week coming up to christmas trails along, going as slowly as humanly possible. Finally christmas morning comes and from that moment to this, the day before school starts, the days blur into one another...its as if the year gets a running start.
A new year. I feel vunerable being out of the comfortable shelter that was 2004. It's ridiculous, january 1st is no diferent from December 31st...it's all numbers. Along with vunerability comes anticipation and exitement. I feel full of possibilities. This year I turn 16, i'll finally be 16, its the age ive dreamed of ever sinse i started playing house. I believe things will happen this year, great things, terrible things, amazing things.
The cold soar on my top lip reminds me that through a constand stream of sleepovers i havnt had a good nights sleep in exactly a week. the cream i'm using to desperatly kill this cold soar has chapped my entire lip, reminding me that no matter how hard i try, i will not look good tomorrow, it also reminds me that i don't care. It's only school. I've come to accept that this cold soar, these chapped lips, and these blood shot eyes, due to sleep deprivation, will only increase due to a deep panic i have of midterms.
I don't do well on tests...for no other reason than i dont study...i don't study because i dont take notes in class...i dont take notes in class because i dont listen in class...i dont listen in class because the only class i find interesting is theatre, and thats the only class with no tests. So my fear of mid terms can only be natural. Every test ive failed this year combined into one huge test that i have to pass in order to not fail 3 of my classes. I have to work my ass of for the next 2 weeks, and the sad part is, i know i won't. new year asides, i didnt even make a resolution to try harder in school. its like the year my mother stopped saying 'this year i will give up nicorette chewing gum'. She knew it wouldn't happen, and i know i still dont have any clear drive to work harder at school.
Why won't it rain? i feel like when it rains i will finally go out with my dad to buy 'i capture the castle'. i dont even know if it is due tomorrow...i know we still have our character projects, so im confused.
Anyways, i feel ive rambled so much that my point if lost.
A new year, same messy room, same old habits, new feeling, new hope, new year.
happy 2005 everybody!
A new year. I feel vunerable being out of the comfortable shelter that was 2004. It's ridiculous, january 1st is no diferent from December 31st...it's all numbers. Along with vunerability comes anticipation and exitement. I feel full of possibilities. This year I turn 16, i'll finally be 16, its the age ive dreamed of ever sinse i started playing house. I believe things will happen this year, great things, terrible things, amazing things.
The cold soar on my top lip reminds me that through a constand stream of sleepovers i havnt had a good nights sleep in exactly a week. the cream i'm using to desperatly kill this cold soar has chapped my entire lip, reminding me that no matter how hard i try, i will not look good tomorrow, it also reminds me that i don't care. It's only school. I've come to accept that this cold soar, these chapped lips, and these blood shot eyes, due to sleep deprivation, will only increase due to a deep panic i have of midterms.
I don't do well on tests...for no other reason than i dont study...i don't study because i dont take notes in class...i dont take notes in class because i dont listen in class...i dont listen in class because the only class i find interesting is theatre, and thats the only class with no tests. So my fear of mid terms can only be natural. Every test ive failed this year combined into one huge test that i have to pass in order to not fail 3 of my classes. I have to work my ass of for the next 2 weeks, and the sad part is, i know i won't. new year asides, i didnt even make a resolution to try harder in school. its like the year my mother stopped saying 'this year i will give up nicorette chewing gum'. She knew it wouldn't happen, and i know i still dont have any clear drive to work harder at school.
Why won't it rain? i feel like when it rains i will finally go out with my dad to buy 'i capture the castle'. i dont even know if it is due tomorrow...i know we still have our character projects, so im confused.
Anyways, i feel ive rambled so much that my point if lost.
A new year, same messy room, same old habits, new feeling, new hope, new year.
happy 2005 everybody!
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