But this life's work and choice took far too long...

'Don't cry, not now, you'll spend the rest of the day with smudged makeup if you do...' A tear rolled out the very far corner of my eye...a destination caused by the odd angles I was pushing my head to avoid the sudden flow of emotions. Second track and already the calm stress relieving breaths I'd learnt at the spa were out the window. Second track and already I had lost control of my heart, surrendering it to him and wondering what had previously possessed me to push him away. Second track and I was ready to run as far away as it took to forget all about teachers and the subtle hints to downright abuse they throw at me. I'm sick of disapproving looks and 'oh she could do so much better'. I'm done with concerned talks with ms.huchel and having to dismiss myself to run to the bathroom just to be alone. I'm over school, utterly, completely sick of academics. I want to spend all day with my friends doing what I want to do. i want to take a year off and go back refreshed and maybe wanting to learn. I need a break, longer than two weeks, from of all these subjects that i don't care about being shoved down my throat until I want to be sick. I need to face my fears, work out my resentment, and work. Work with my teachers, my classes, my homework...but I've tried that! I've tried at the begining of every year, and after every break...and it never changes, they never get any nicer, more interesting, or worth my time. And I never learn that maybe what I really need is right infront of me...