Before I could see the stars again, that is, before it all went into the atmosphere

one, two, three? Probably more, I don't exactly know. It's the change that's notable. Such a little thing, but what an effect, I looked and suddenly it wasn't me anymore. i was the girl in the movies, or books, the one that you swear when you are 10 that you will never be. What's more is I enjoyed it. I wanted it. I needed it. I made it. I was transformed, if only for a little while. I was foolish, giggly, unrestrained, free. I was under complete control, had no defense, I was completely vunerable. But it was necessary, it was so necessary, for what it entailed could have been love for those few hours, of course no longer than that. But for that time I felt the need to have someone, to be wanted, to be held. i felt like someone who i never thought i could be. but i didn't feel like it was me, the entire time i felt like i was watching a stranger do what I wanted, yet i could feel everything as real as if it were the same me. It wasn't me though, I was the bad girl, not by reputaion or in comparison to my friends, but for everything that happened and what it did. it was all a dream, a dark, unpredictable dream, and when I was ready to i woke up, but not before, and not after.