From a discreet distance, they aren't listening to a word we say.

I want to walk, but I don't have the energy. I want to run, but I don't have the strength. I want to lie down, but I don't have the patience. I want to scream, but I don't have the breath. Tell me how it works. If you are there, tell me what I'm supposed to do to get past this overwhelming feeling of pointlessness. Why is no one else feeling this? I hear all the time that everybody questions life and why we are all here, so why can no one say the right thing? Have people spent lifetimes answerless? yes, of course they have. But this is it, in my life...which may not be very important, which may not amount to anything, this is the last chance I am going to give you. If you are there, give me a dream, that I will regard as maningless when I wake, telling me everything. If you exist send someone who knows exactly what to do and say to comfort me. If you watch over me, then leave me signs where you know I will see them. Just give me something to work with, please don't leave me here. Please don't let me stay in purgatory my whole life, standing nowhere, doing nothing because I'm afraid to, or can't. Please. My mother tells me that she has lost many people close to her but she came out of it feeling like she had her life to live. My grandmother told the family that she wouldn't die after my grandfather because she had her life to live. I feel like I don't need a life to live, I feel that i could crawl inside a cave for however long it takes to die without missing anything. Please give me something to look for, some reason to get out of bed and fulfil my obligations. throw down some sugar in the form of hail to sweeten me up...I'm so bitter, I have so much resentment to everything, from school, to my family. I want to rip out the hearts of all authority figures because they don't know why i am here either and yet they feel that they can tell me how to be. All I ask is not to be left. Don't leave me, or I will leave you, and then what? Without any threat of hell or punishment after death, what would stop me from adultery, murder, theft or any of the others? If this is the world that we create then we have it in ourselves to destroy it. If we can kill ourselves, then we can kill others. If we can punish ourselves then we can punish others. Without any eternal consequences, whats to stop me? Guilt...why, it works in reverse, if I can kill another, I can kill myself, I can free myself from torment. So please, save me, stop me from doing the wrong things, because I'm lost and right now I will take any road with a label that makes sense to me. And I hear that some roads are one way...