How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind; hold memory close at hand. Help me understand the years...

I don't know how to begin to explain it. These images that dance before my closed eyes and stay with me long after the day begins. Not huge in their significance, no shocking details at first, and they don't leave me with any feelings of regret, fear, or loss in the begining. but they are worrying. Death, rape, murder, heartbreak, not things a girl should dream of. especially one who hasn't witnessed them all. So where do they come from? Some my memory, some my imagination, some from stories I've heard so clearly. It's not always easy for me to remember every detail when i first wake up, but before i sleep again i will have relived every moment. and that's when regret, fear, and loss come into play. when I'm trying to picture nothing, when i'm trying to turn the day off, questions come flooding my mind, and movies of the night before start playing on repeat. why? Why would I imagine myself in such dangerous and terrifying positions? why in all of my dreams do people just watch and not help? and why are they back? Last time mum suggested a sleep clinic, somewhere where someone would listen, watch, and then identify, and probably in the end prescribe some pills that would turn off every light in me at night time. I don't think that's what i want, but i'd like to know why these nightmares won't leave me alone. why can't i dream of angels, fairies, and love?
When it all began they were just single images, a man, black hair, eyes flashing red and black walking slowly towards me. they sent me into such a panic that id scream and get up, trying to run away and be woken by someone who, in turn, i'd terrified. Now that I've gotten some things sorted out in my head they come clearer. Full scenes, and aray of colours, an elaborate plan. These dreams make sense which makes them no stranger, or safer than the others, but diferent. i feared the others because i believed that they told the future, but these because when i remember them, its hard not to believe they actually happened during the night. but i'm not afraid to sleep, yet.