I'm gonna wake up, yes and no

My head is a mess of thoughts, ideas, feelings that i won't let it express. you see when my teachers told me i'm unorganized, preocupied, and distracted, they were right. i hate to give them credit, but they were so right. even in my mind i can't make sense of anything in an orderly fashion, its not how it works. everything's piled on top, backwards, inside out. i've been sheltered so much that my experience of life is altered, my view of reality isn't clear just yet. i don't want it to be, ever. why would i want to be pushed out of the nest, walk through the bubble, into a world where people do things that are so unimaginable to me? why would i want to let go of this life? only two years. thank god, only two years more of being told that im unprepared, messy, and disrespectful. but after these two years im out, i'll have to take care of myself, i'll have to open my eyes completely. its so wonderful in my head, i wish that i could show people. i wish i could let someone else no what its like to not care that my transcript won't get me in to any college. i wish there was anyone else who didn't focus on a future of stacking shelves. i must be defective that i dont worry about what everyone else does. theres always been a way out for me, an excuse, a last resort, a compromise. i dont need to worry. so why would i? i just wish that someone else wouldnt either.

i'm gonna avoid the cliche, im gonna suspend my senses, im gonna delay my pleasure, i'm gonna close my body now. i guess i'l die another day.