It worries me to say, i've never felt this way

I've never not been able to express something before. I'd say you all got the jist of it when my grandma died, it took about 50 entries, but i got my point accross. but this. i keep writing and writing and writing and it alls sounds cheesy or forced, i cant write how i feel, i need to show someone. I want to jump with happiness and hug the sky. i want to be with him every moment of every day, and i want to talk about him when im not. its scary, its complete dependency, he has me on a string that he could break any second he chooses. ive never let myself get to this point, and part of me is still holding back. I don't want to get hurt, but i want to give him everything. I'm still a little in disbelief that i could change so much, and feel this way. I still can't believe that he could be mine, and i could be his, its one of the strangest parts of life. i thought for a while that if he broke up with me, or cheated on me, id be fine, hes just a guy, but now, if he did...i cant even think about it, it would be complete and utter heartbreak. im just asking to be hurt, this is so silly. But I can't help it, hes every where i go, theres always something to remind me of him, an ACDC shirt, a cigarette stub. His smile, his hair, his clothes, his voice, his face, his kiss, his jokes. He's everywhere, he's everything.