Sparkling around my little finger

My life is spinning in the most controlled way. I'm losing contact with reality, I'm settling into this life of getting up to do nothing but dance around in my room or go to the arcade. I'm getting used to my shallow breaths and losing track of a sentence half way through. I'm rather enjoying not knowing the date. My life is nothing but what I'm making it, isn't it fabulous? But at the same time i'ts like I'm on a water slide, going down and down at such an exciting speed, but to no where dangerous. And so what if I like to smoke a cigarette on the way down from the car to the street? So what if I like to spark the lighter and watch the smoke drift away? It doesn't mean i've changed or I'm changing. YAY for expressing ourselves, huh bunny? There are these phases on the walk home when the world spins and my throat tightens, and it's scary, and i swear i'll settle down, get ready to focus on my studies, tidy my room, do up my top button, and tighten my tie. but whats the point when its so evidently not who i am? i like to spin in my room and pretend people are watching. i like to fall on the floor and feel the roller coaster just the way i used to when i was 5, half the size of a single pillow. i was a small child, but not anymore. I love to look at the expensive clothes and hope someday i'll buy the,. i love to put on a fur coat and imagine for a second that if i bought it id have the gutts to wear it. Oh fur, so cruel, so wonderful and magical. And how I love to put on the diamons necklaces and earings my daddy brought back for his 14 year old baby...whats the point of being spoiled, free, and in l.a. if i don't take advantage of it? and i dont need love, for what good would love do me? diamonds never lie to me, for when loves gone they lustre on. diamonds are forever.