Polly put the kettle on, we'll all have tea

We bought a VHS player that will play British videos, and to celebrate dug up the old home videos. James' 5th birthday party, Christmas 1989, 1990-1991. James could be a commercial kid, toe curlingly cute, red hair and freckles, gaps between every baby tooth, suspenders with every button up shirt. It only gets better when he opens his mouth, he has the mind of a 40 yr old man at 5 years of age. He explains to everyone at christmas how to work every toy, even if hes just set eyes on it, and hes always right, he has an explanation for everything he comes accross, and hes incredible with me. Me, i go from being the big eared, bald baby obsessed with my toes, who pukes and lies in it.To something not much diferent, the chubby, speechless, devoted toddler with hair so blonde its almost white. Not one tear, I never cried, I was a very calm and collected child. I was adorable, I sang nursery rhymes in the footage after I'd learnt how to speak, i mispronounced everything, i greeted people with 'hello baby!', and played with my Dolly who to me was Lolly on account of 'D's not having reached my vocabulary yet. More to the point, I was completely, one hundred percent James' number one fan, infact, I was everyones. My eyes lit up when I saw my mother, when my father walked in i ran to him, and i giggled like crazy when James picked me up. I was the perfect, easily amused, down to earth child, which evens out the attention seeking, quick minded big brother who dominates every scene. I miss being that age so much, I miss that house, my strong strong accent, being everyones darling, spending so much time with my family. Watching the videos reminds me that I'm my mothers baby, not just an independant person who was created in the wind and therefor knows everything. Perhaps my mother is right on alot of things, she always was back then, i don't think anythings diferent now. Only everything is. I've lost so much and gained so much in return. We left the chinsy, story book life and gained this one. So much has changed in 14 years, I've lost my last two grandparents, the shy blonde haired 6 year old Tom in the videos is dead now, 6 yr old Harry is currently expecting twins, and his big sister Kate just got married. Sandbarn is inhabited by Coventry morons, or was, now its up for sale again, my poor house. I'd do anything to go back just for a little while, even at this age, just so i could hold my 2 year old self and hug her. Thats all i want to do, just remember a time when everything was so innocent, and maybe gain a little of it back in that single embrace. I miss so much of what I used to have, and the whole time i had it i was dreaming of what life would be like now. I never new the journey would be like the rapids at legoland, exciting, terrifying, awakening, and of course, fun.