excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy*

Hell. Sundays bring a sinking feeling. A school night without the school. 5 days ahead of me. Wondering if I'll make it through to see their faces. Wondering how long sanity will hold out for. Made Julie want to cry when I told her my confidence has gone. Seems it was what i was admired for. Can't explain the relief that flew over me at 2:30 on friday. Begining to feel that my dependency on the weekend is hazardous to hapiness. A schedual to die for. Imagining flying bricks will get me through English...is that healthy...Enacting the stoning of a teacher just to get through 50 minutes? BDC brings a 1 minute silent solo dance we each coreographed last class...dreading it, hate performing alone, especially without music to get lost in. First free track is uneventful. Chemistry is fine. Second free track is what I look forward too. Doubting my ability to make eye contact with Reimers. No math, thank God, class couldn't be more boring. So this is the year I'll always remember? Better perk up, starting to remind me of 10th...mum's second operation is in a few months, followed by 8 weeks of smelling boost energy drink, and watching mashed avacado dribble down her chin. I'll still love her though...and at least my grandmother can't die again. Counting the days til I can see Justin again. God how I love Fridays and Saturdays. Going to go paint my nails and watch a movie. Heaven.


*hoping this will be the last blog entry for a while in which i bitch and sound depressed.
**life isn't compeltely awful, but I genuinly hate school
***God I hate school...