Thoughts Upon Waking
Isn't it bizzar that once I'm away from school I blossom? Once I'm free from all the teachers, and the people...not my friends, the other people, everyone I don't know so well.
Yesterday was one of the funnest afternoons of my life. Justin came over at 4:30, and we spent half an hour in westwood doing...absolutely nothing actually...watching the dancing sceletons in CVS. Then at 5, Julie came over to film her movie for film class. Awkward? At first...but considering niether me or justin have no acting abilities, it went pretty well. It was hilarious, and i didn't mind that i was making a fool of myself infront of them. My sister and my boyfriend. My best girl, and my best guy. Then when Julie had to go to her tutor, me and Justin watched the family guy movie, and had, as always, one of the nights i will remember forever, one of the nights that makes me so happy to just be with him, even if we aren't having a sexual frenzy.
I don't know what it is about school. Why does it make me disgregard all of my dreams for the future? Why do I feel like crying everytime I make eye contact with someone? Why do I feel like the ugliest thing next to quasimodo? Why do I just not care about anything other than what people think when I'm there? There are so many more important things, grades, college, costume design. But as soon as I step up to the lockers, every good intention of doing my homework during my free tracks dissolves.
Similarly, as soon as I'm away from it, I remember it all again. I look through costume books, write, laugh, and look in the mirror without wanting to cry. The bad grades inspire me to do better. And the friends I have outside of school give me that warm and fuzzy feeling.
yet all the same, i still had a nightmare last night that i was kidnapped with vera and 2 other guys and put in the bottom of this house in a TINY room where we had to pee in a shower that didn't work. Then after one of the guys got drafted for a war, we all shot ourselves...the last thing i saw in the dream was three coffins (myself in one of them) and the final member, who was drafted, shooting himself to be with us all. that isn't the dream of one who is at peace in his/her mind...
Yesterday was one of the funnest afternoons of my life. Justin came over at 4:30, and we spent half an hour in westwood doing...absolutely nothing actually...watching the dancing sceletons in CVS. Then at 5, Julie came over to film her movie for film class. Awkward? At first...but considering niether me or justin have no acting abilities, it went pretty well. It was hilarious, and i didn't mind that i was making a fool of myself infront of them. My sister and my boyfriend. My best girl, and my best guy. Then when Julie had to go to her tutor, me and Justin watched the family guy movie, and had, as always, one of the nights i will remember forever, one of the nights that makes me so happy to just be with him, even if we aren't having a sexual frenzy.
I don't know what it is about school. Why does it make me disgregard all of my dreams for the future? Why do I feel like crying everytime I make eye contact with someone? Why do I feel like the ugliest thing next to quasimodo? Why do I just not care about anything other than what people think when I'm there? There are so many more important things, grades, college, costume design. But as soon as I step up to the lockers, every good intention of doing my homework during my free tracks dissolves.
Similarly, as soon as I'm away from it, I remember it all again. I look through costume books, write, laugh, and look in the mirror without wanting to cry. The bad grades inspire me to do better. And the friends I have outside of school give me that warm and fuzzy feeling.
yet all the same, i still had a nightmare last night that i was kidnapped with vera and 2 other guys and put in the bottom of this house in a TINY room where we had to pee in a shower that didn't work. Then after one of the guys got drafted for a war, we all shot ourselves...the last thing i saw in the dream was three coffins (myself in one of them) and the final member, who was drafted, shooting himself to be with us all. that isn't the dream of one who is at peace in his/her mind...
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